Practice doing what you don’t want to!
Nov 13, 2024Have you ever thought, “I shouldn’t have to do things I don’t want to” ? If so, you’re not alone. We’ve probably all thought it on occasion. And for a rarified few, it may be possible to structure life so that it consists solely of the things they want to do. Maybe they can outsource all unwanted tasks. While this might seem enviable, it can also be problematic. Why? Because it seems conceivable that at some point in your life you will be faced with a situation where you desire an outcome that requires you to do things you’d rather not. And, you can’t outsource it. For example, you want a promotion but don’t want to work longer hours. You want to pass the bar or the series 7, but you don’t want to study. In these situations, it’s useful to have the skill of doing things you don’t want to do. But if there haven’t been prior opportunities to develop this skill, it may not be in your repertoire. The good news is it can be cultivated with practice.
So, the next time you have the thought, “I shouldn’t have to do things I don’t want,” try some of these tips
- Reframe your “should” statement as a preference: “I prefer not to do things I don’t want.” Shoulds are often our arbitrary preferences for how life would be if we were masters of the universe. And then, when things are not as they should be, we’re angry.
- Think about how doing the unwanted thing aligns with your interests and values. And think long. The short-term disadvantages of doing unwanted things may be outweighed by the longer-term benefits.
- Reframe doing the unwanted task as a choice: “I choose to to get up early, to write on the weekends, etc.” You’ll resent it less.
- Create a hierarchy of things you don’t want to do and then work your way through it starting with the least aversive task. Make sure to positively reinforce yourself with a reward or self-praise immediately after completing each thing on the hierarchy. This makes it more likely that you’ll stick with it.
Try some of these tips and you just may find you feel a little more empowered and life is a little easier to navigate. #cbt #dbt
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Dr. Lisa Napolitano is an expert in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and other mindfulness-based treatments. A licensed psychologist in New York and Florida, she is the Founder and Director of CBT/DBT Associates, a boutique psychology practice group. Dr. Napolitano is an expert in the treatment of stress, anxiety, worry, and emotion regulation problems. She has specifically designed her treatment approach for executives, attorneys, and other high-functioning individuals whom she believes shouldn’t have to sacrifice their careers to manage their stress and work on developing their potential.